Part of estate planning is setting rules for children to inherit if both parents were to pass. I often hear things like this. “I want my kids to get their share when they finish college. Or when they’re married. Or when they’re actually working.” It is a natural instinct to not give money to children too young or before they have established themselves in the world. The problem is that writing those milestones directly into your will or trust usually creates more problems than it solves for a simple reason: You cannot predict the future!
If your will says a child receives their share only “upon completing a four-year degree,” what happens if they choose a trade school? What if a disability makes college impossible? The same goes for milestones like marriage or employment. Another problem is once you start listing affirmative conditions for the distribution of funds, you are necessarily precluding the use of those funds for anything not listed.
Legal documents are interpreted literally. Many people don’t revisit their estate documents for years, or something happens suddenly that prevents the document from being changed. Life moves faster than paperwork does.
Why Trustee’s Discretion Works Better
Rather than hardwiring milestones into a legal document, most estate planning attorneys, myself included, recommend giving a trustee discretionary authority over distributions. This means the trustee can evaluate your child’s actual circumstances at the time: their financial need, their stability, their readiness. A well-chosen trustee who knows your family can make the judgment call you would have made yourself.
This flexibility matters when life shifts in ways you couldn’t predict. A child may be going through a divorce. A grandchild with special needs. A kid doing everything right who just got laid off. Trustee discretion allows the plan to respond to reality, not to a fixed set of rules written years before.
Put Your Wishes in a Letter, Not the Will
Here’s what I often recommend to clients who wish to set specific conditions for distribution: write a letter of instruction. This is a separate, informal document. The letter is not filed with the probate court, not part of the public record, and not legally binding, but it gives your trustee a clear window into your values and intentions. The letter allows you to be as specific as you want: “I hope you’ll consider whether they’ve shown financial responsibility.” “Please prioritize education above everything else.” “My wish is that distributions be delayed if they’re actively struggling with addiction.”
A trustee who respects your memory will give this letter real weight, but it also allows them the flexibility to deal with circumstances (and opportunities) as they arise. Also, because it is not part of the formal document, you can update it without an attorney whenever your thinking changes.
The Bayer Bottom Line:
- Hardwiring milestones into a will or trust can backfire as life changes
- Trustee discretion gives the plan flexibility to respond to real circumstances
- A letter of instruction lets you share detailed guidance without locking it into a legal document
- Update your letter whenever your thinking evolves, no attorney required